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Money plays a vital role between two people in a relationship. It’s no secret that money problems can be a big reason for relationship problems or even divorce.

One way to prevent this is to ensure you and your spouse are financially on the same page.

So how do you get on the same page with your partner regarding finances? This is a common and important question that many of us ask ourselves.

When I first married my wife we had many disputes about money. At that time, truth be told I did not have good money habits.

While my wife is great at managing money, I used to be a spender!

Over time my wife took some steps to help me change. I was willing to listen and started to change even though some of my changes came slowly.

Now we are completely on the same page and let me tell you, this has made our marriage much more enjoyable and happy. 🙂

Based on our experiences, here are 9 tips to use when working on your finances as a couple.

1. Understand Finance Backgrounds & Be Willing to Change

Let each person share his/her understanding or background in finance.

Learn how each other was taught money growing up! You’ll gain a better understanding of how and why two people have different views on money.

When I first heard how my parents-in-law handle their money, I began understanding why my wife has such an amazing saving and investing mindset.

When my wife heard how my family spends money, she understood why I loved spending money to buy things I didn’t need, haha.

There is no need to be angry if your spouse has a different financial perspective because most of the time it comes from the way they were raised or lack of education.

INSTEAD, we should be understanding and helping each other by sharing money stories and explaining the importance of saving and investing.

When first engaged, my wife did not push me to change my poor spending habits all at once, but really gave me a better idea of what good personal finance looks like.

She shared many stories about how her parents worked so hard to save money and then invested in real estate and stocks, which is why they are free to travel everywhere, really, I feel like they travel every day haha.

After hearing my parents-in-law’s financial story and seeing how they have such an amazing life, I knew who I wanted to be.

A big thanks to my wife for sharing her story and background about finances, which sparked my desire to learn and change.

Being open and willing to change will help you and your spouse in many ways!

2. Read Valuable Finance Books (or Watch Videos)!

If you or your spouse have never had any saving, budgeting, or investing ideas since childhood, I highly recommend reading good books or watching videos to help change your financial mind which will open up a new world.

The first finance book I read was ” Rich Dad Poor Dad”. This book is so amazing. My eyes were opened, and a seed was planted for improving my personal finance and investing decisions.

To learn more about this amazing book, you can check out this other article I wrote: Rich Dad Poor Dad – 9 Wealth Building Lessons.

Later, my wife found out about Dave Ramsey, and she started watching many of his Youtube videos. She always recommended a good one to me when she watched it.

My wife and I changed A LOT after watching Dave Ramsey’s video and learning about his baby steps.

Now we have zero car debt, and we regularly contribute to our emergency fund. Through hard work, I could graduate with my MBA student debt-free. We thank Dave Ramsey for teaching us to get out of debt.

We do not 100% follow his teachings because everyone has different views about finance, but in many ways, he has really helped our family’s finance a lot.

Related Content: Dave Ramsey 7 Baby Steps | Do They Actually Work?

By recommending good finance books or videos and hopefully soon, your partner will be on board and on the same page with you. 

3. Recognize the Impact of Bad Money Decisions

When you get married, everything becomes family-centered. Having stable finances is important, especially when children come into the picture.

If you or your significant other likes to spend money indiscriminately and doesn’t like saving money, you should discuss how those decisions will impact your family’s future.

For example, you should both discuss the need to save up an emergency fund, and understand the negative consequences that could arise from not having one.

Many people lost their jobs during times like the 2008 economic recession and COVID-19. If we were one of them and without an emergency fund, our family will be in big trouble.

But if we save up a 3-6 months fully-funded emergency fund, we will have money to cover our bills and expenses – talk about peace of mind!

Another subject to discuss is how to avoid or get out of debt. Here is an article I wrote specifically identifying 11 Strategies to Get Out of Debt Fast!

4. Be Honest With Each Other

Marrying another person means you both become a team. You are not independent anymore, but you can accomplish more with two minds and hearts working together.

Make sure there are no financial secrets in the relationship, and you’ll stay accountable and build a stronger relationship.

It is dishonest not to disclose your income, hide money, secretly spend money to buy what you want, owe an undisclosed debt, etc.

If you keep these things a secret, it will be a weight on you and hurt your mental health, and relationships. You’re burdening yourself with guilt and jeopardizing your partner’s trust in you.

This type of dishonesty will make both parties miserable.

If you and your partner are working on becoming on the same finance page, it’s important to be completely open and honest with each other.

I’m glad that at this point, my wife and I have not had any of this type of dishonest conduct, but have been very honest about our finances even before we got engaged.

Be real and be honest with each other. You won’t regret it!

5. Set Financial Goals Together

One of the best ways to get your spouse on the same financial page as you take time to sit down together and make the same financial goals.

What do you want your finances to look like in 5, 10, or even 30 years? Do you want to be completely out of debt? Do you want to save up your kids’ college education fund? Do you want to retire early?

The end goal for my wife and me is to achieve FIRE (Finance Independence Retire Early). We have been working hard for this goal to make it happen one day through saving, investing, and being wise with our money.

Setting the same financial goals together will give you a direction of where you hope to end up.

Once you and your spouse have the same financial goals, you will be on the same page and working as a team!

Goals also motivate us and give us a positive vision for the future. 🙂

When married couples have the same goals, it will also strengthen their marriage.

My wife and I love setting goals together, you check out our 2022 Financial Goals and How to Achieve Them.

6. Budget As a Team

After you’ve set your goals, it’s time to create a budget!

A budget is one of the most important steps to financial success.

Write down all of your family expenses and ensure that both of you have enough money for when those bills are due.

After expenses, see how much money you have left and can go toward investing for other things.

It’s also good to look through your bank statement history often and see where you both need to improve.

One way we love to save money is by using Mint Mobile where you can get a great plan for just $15 a month!

Part of budgeting should include investing –

Related content: How We Save 56% of Our Income [Family of 3]

Related content: How We Budget Our $100K Income As A Family of Three

7. Combine Finances

We combined our finance the day after we engaged! I still remember it was in a taco bell at our school, and I gave my debit card to my wife because I knew she was better at managing money.

We were also working together to save our first house downpayment; combined finances helped a lot! We to on the same page when money is being saved or spent.

I’ve seen many couples keep their finances separate for many reasons like previous bad marriages, or getting married at an older age, etc.

No matter what kind of reason, separate finance may work for a few married couples, but it doesn’t seem to work for most.

One of the youtube channels we like is called Our Rich Journey. In their channel, a very happy couple worked together as a team and were able to retire at 39.

They are our example and motivation!

Combining finance has many benefits as you work together towards your goals and dreams.

8. Open and OFTEN Communication

When you work to get on the same page with your spouse about your finances, often and open communication is CRUCIAL.

Talk about what you and your spouse have accomplished and what you hope to accomplish next.

You can review/reevaluate your budgets, financial goals, and plans to achieve them.

You can also share your true feelings, happy and unhappy things about each other, and things you hope the other person can improve upon.

Oh, if your spouse made a good change, like eating out less, don’t forget to tell he/she a good job in your communication!

Give praise for wise money decisions your spouse is making!

My wife and I both like to communicate before bed, and we express ourselves very directly.

We are grateful that we can talk freely and openly and feel safe sharing our thoughts.

We feel an often and open communication can help us understand each other better, work better together as a team, and stabilize our marriage.

9. Love and Patience

Unfortunately, fights will often occur when money comes up in a conversation between a couple.

If you wish to get your spouse on the same financial page, you must find a healthy way of communicating and use love and patience instead of fighting.

Remember that you have been raised differently and have different backgrounds as mentioned previously.

Quarrels don’t typically end in an agreed-upon solution, but love and patience will help you get to a happy solution much faster.

You can’t expect your spouse to change immediately. It is impossible.

Big changes are made by small changes consistently and sustainably. Over time, these small changes will compound into big changes.

During the tough and painful waiting process, please be patient. Showing your encouragement and love is more useful than blaming and anger.

I made a rule with my wife: every time we fight, we kiss or hug each other and have to hold for three seconds. It’s amazing what a little love or affection can do to diffuse heated situations.

This method worked so well for us; we got better immediately and would laugh together.

You can try or find a method that could work for your marriage.

In Conclusion

I know that life is difficult when you and your spouse are not on the same financial page. You may feel helpless or hopeless sometimes, but hang in there! Read this post with your loved one and know we’re rooting for you!

The 9 tips below will guide you to get your spouse on the same page during your journey to financial freedom!

1. Share Your Finance Background and Knowledge, Be Willing to Change
2. Read Valuable Finance Books (or Watch Videos)!
3. Recognize the Impact of Bad Money Decisions
4. Be Honest With Each Other
5. Set Financial Goals Together
6. Budget As a Team
7. Combine Finances
8. Open and OFTEN Communication
9. Love and Patience

The change process won’t be easy and might be painful at times.

I hope you can use these tips to build a stronger relationship and become better at saving, budgeting, and investing for your family’s future.

Last but not least, if you need help, ask for it! Don’t be ashamed. Whether it’s financial counseling or other counseling.

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment below with your thoughts and experiences, we’d love to hear from you!

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Disclaimer:

We hope the information in this article provides valuable insights to every reader but we, the Biesingers, are not financial advisors. When making your personal finance decisions, research multiple sources and/or receive advice from a licensed professional. As always, we wish you the best in your pursuit of financial independence!